Step 1 of 1
Introduction

Attachment Filter Matrix Assessment

Uncover the invisible filters that shape how you connect, trust, and relate to others
We all view relationships through invisible filters shaped by our early experiences. These 'attachment filters' profoundly influence how we connect with others and God - yet most of us are unaware of them.

You'll identify your most influential relationships, then discover how you show up with each
person. This reveals both your default attachment style AND how different people activate
different patterns in you.

What You'll Learn:
•  Your primary attachment pattern (Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, or Fearful)
•  How different relationships trigger different responses
•  Which relationships bring out your best (and most challenging) self
•  Specific growth steps for stronger connections
Your Coach

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Important Note:

Be honest - this is for your growth, not judgment. Every pattern made sense in its original context.

Step 1: Identify Soul-Shaping Relationships

Think about the people who most shape your daily experience. Consider two types of time:

• Face time: People you interact with most (in person, phone, video)
• Mind time: People you think about, worry about, or mentally engage with
Add Another Relationship (Optional)
Examples: spouse, boss, difficult colleague, aging parent, close friend, anyone who's 'under your skin'

Step 2: Understand the Matrix Dimensions

Instructions: Take 2 minutes to list your most influential relationships
Grasp the two key dimensions that create four patterns. Every relationship style is shaped by two fundamental dimensions
Relational Engagement

How much you pursue connection

• High: Seeks closeness, pursues connection, emotionally expressive
• Low: Maintains distance, self-sufficient, emotionally reserved
Emotional Composure

How regulated you stay

• High: Regulated emotions, stays calm under stress, steady
• Low: Emotional intensity, easily dysregulated, reactive
Anxious

Overwhelmed, Clinging
Pursuing, Reactive, Worried

Secure

Regulated, Connecting
Connected, Calm, Flexible

Emotional Composure
-2
-1
0
1
2
3
Low
High
Sarah
3
2
1
0
-1
-2
Low
High
Relational Engagement
-3
Fearful

Overwhelmed, Withdrawing
Isolated, Overwhelmed,
Unpredictable

Avoidant

Defensive, Distancing
Guarded, Self-Reliant,
Composed

Step 3: Plot Your Relationships

Instructions: Map where you operate with each person
Using the matrix on the following page, plot each of your 5 soul-shaping relationships:
Relationships to plot:
Sarah
Sarah

1. Drag each person you entered earlier onto the matrix. You can place them only on the intersections of the grid lines.

2. For each person, consider:

•  How much do you pursue/engage vs. pull back? (Engagement)
•  How calm vs. reactive are you with them? (Composure)

Plot each relationship on the matrix grid using their initials

Anxious

Overwhelmed, Clinging
Pursuing, Reactive, Worried

Secure

Regulated, Connecting
Connected, Calm, Flexible

Emotional Composure
-2
-1
0
1
2
3
Low
High
Sarah
3
2
1
0
-1
-2
Low
High
Relational Engagement
-3
Fearful

Overwhelmed, Withdrawing
Isolated, Overwhelmed,
Unpredictable

Avoidant

Defensive, Distancing
Guarded, Self-Reliant,
Composed

Step 4: Notice patterns

Anxious

Overwhelmed, Clinging
Pursuing, Reactive, Worried

Secure

Regulated, Connecting
Connected, Calm, Flexible

Emotional Composure
-2
-1
0
1
2
3
Low
High
Sarah
3
2
1
0
-1
-2
Low
High
Relational Engagement
-3
Fearful

Overwhelmed, Withdrawing
Isolated, Overwhelmed,
Unpredictable

Avoidant

Defensive, Distancing
Guarded, Self-Reliant,
Composed

Relational Engagement

How much you pursue connection

Who Brings Out Your Best:

  •  Sarah (Spouse) - You operate securely

Key Insight:

Your flexibility is a strength, but notice what triggers your shifts between patterns.

Instructions: Reflect on what you discovered
Look at your plotted relationships and observe:

Do you operate in the same quadrant/attachment style with everyone?

Who brings out your most secure self?

Who triggers insecurity?

Any relationships where you're in opposite quadrants?

Step 5: Identify Your Growth Edge

Instructions: Use awareness to create change
Look at your plotted relationships and ask:
What triggers movement?

When you're in different quadrants, what causes the shift?

Stress? Conflict? Intimacy? Authority figures?

Where do you want to grow?
Choose one relationship and one small shift:

One small shift you'll make this week:

Remember: Awareness is the first step. You can't change what you can't see.

Step 6: Your Attachment Filter Matrix Summary

Summary Dashboard
Primary Pattern: Mixed/Adaptive
Growth Focus: Mike (Boss) relationship
Weekly Action: Pause before reacting

Key Insight:

Your attachment filter isn't your identity - it's your learned pattern. When you change your pattern, you change the entire relationship dance.

Pattern Distribution

Secure:

33%

Anxious:

33%

Avoidant:

33%

Fearful:

33%

Please provide your name and email and we will send you a PDF copy of your results.
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